Lose Yourself
by Karli Garwin Winchester
Summary: Peyton Cooper just moved to Ipswich and brought alot of baggage with her. She does things to ease the pain of leaving behind the only person who cared and dealing with her father. One night when she tried to end it all, she is saved by a certain blonde
1. Lose Yourself

**So this is my new story. Lose Yourself. It's kinda dark, I know, and it'll get darker later but right now Im in a kinda dark mood. I kno it's kind of like my other stories but it does have its own certain twist and I really think this story could be my new baby lol so please review and let me know what you think.**

**Oh, and if you don't like the mention of drugs, don't read. I'm warning you now. I own nothing but Peyton.**

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It was midnight and everyone in the small town of Ipswich was fast asleep. Everyone except for one person, me. Peyton Cooper. Instead of being fast asleep in bed, I was standing on the edge of a bridge, looking down at the rushing water below me. It was about a thirty foot fall and I knew that standing on this edge was dangerous; if I fell, there was no way that I would come back. And that's the thought that comforted me the most. I wouldn't have to feel any more sadness, loneliness, any pain. With one quick fall, I could end it all. I took a deep breath and prepared to fall when my phone rang in my pocket, Let You Down by Three Days Grace playing loudly in the quiet night. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and looked down at the caller I.d. Chipmunk flashed across the screen. He always did have perfect timing.

"Hi Jon." I said softly, giving a small cough to cover up the fact that I had been crying.

"You alright Pey?" Jon's warm voice asked. Of course he would notice something wrong.

"I'm fine. Just tired." I told him.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked.

"Since when do you ever care?" I asked, making him laugh softly.

"Very true. But with the time difference…." Jon's voice trailed off.

"It's only two hours." I said.

"So can you talk or do you want to go to bed?" Jon asked me. This was weird, he always tried to get me to talk to him.

'_I wanna jump off this bridge' _I said to myself but out loud I told him I would like to talk. I looked at the bridge one last time before walking away and heading north to Spenser Academy where my dorm was completely empty and waiting.

"So how are you liking your new school?" He asked.

"I hate it." I told him. "I hate everything here."

"It'll get better. I'm sure you'll hook up with a guy real soon." He said and even though I tried to fight it, I couldn't help but laugh.

"You know there's only one guy I think about." I said and all joking was completely lost from the conversation. Before moving to Ipswich, I had had this thing for Jon and I thought he did too, until he asked out my worst enemy and my best friend. I had closed myself off and that's where my suicidal thoughts started. I looked down at my arm where a years worth of scars stood out and sighed.

"I'm sorry Peyton." Jon said with a sigh. "I tried, I really did it's just…"

"I know." I said, though I didn't understand. I didn't understand how I could've had those feelings for a year and no matter how much I talked to him, confided in him, let him know how I felt, he couldn't even return a part of those feelings.

"Don't say that, you don't." Jon said.

"Yeah I do, everything's fine." I told him, which was a clear notice that I wasn't fine.

"Don't. What's wrong Peyton." Damn him, he ruined the best chance that I had at leaving this life and now he was going to bug me about it.

"Nothing." I told him as I walked into the Spencer dorm building.

"Peyton." Jon tried again.

"I've gotta go. Bye." I hung up the phone and turned it on silent before tossing it into my pocket and walking upstairs to the second floor. There, I walked down the hall and stood outside room 217 and fished out the key from my pocket. I quickly unlocked the door and threw the key on my desk before face planting onto my bed. I hissed in pain as my side started throbbing. I pulled up the shirt to reveal a dark bruise taking up my entire left side.

"Thanks dad." I muttered under my breath as I moved into a more comfortable position and quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, I woke up to find that the sun was shining brightly through my half open curtains. Damn it, I should've shut them last night before I fell asleep. I took out my phone and saw that Jon tried calling me five more times before deciding to text me until five thirty. I didn't look at any of the messages and closed out of the notice to check the time. Six forty five. Classes started at seven thirty. I walked over to my closet and pulled out my uniform and slipped it on. I had to adjust it a little so the bruises on my legs weren't visible at all. I quickly did some makeup to hide the bruises around my eyes and sat down on my bed.

Sighing, I opened my bedside drawer and pulled out a small baggie filled with a green substance, a lighter, and my hitter. I took the substance out of the baggie and packed it into the hitter before lighting it and taking in the very strong smoke a few times before holding it all in for a few seconds and letting it out, coughing in the process. One thing I learned when I first started, it hurts to cough but when you do, it means your getting so much higher. I waited a few seconds for repeating the process, coughing harder than before. I instantly felt myself starting to relax more and become slightly light headed. I finished off what I had packed into the hitter before dumping the remains in the toilet and flushing it. I walked back into my room and lit up a cigarette as I opened the window and febreezed my room. As I took a drag on my cigarette, I noticed that my tongue felt numb, as though the nicotine was coating it. I smiled as I recognized the first sign that today would be a numb day. Once my cigarette was completely out, I sprayed body spray all over and grabbed my backpack, stumbling slightly as I walked out into the hallway.

I noticed a lot of people were hurrying on their way to class and rolled my eyes. If they all just smoked a blunt before class, they would be as calm as I was. I walked out of the dorm building and down toward the school which wasn't so far away. I stumbled most of the way, my legs feeling as though they were asleep. Once I made it in, I walked over to my first class of the day, English Literature. I made my way over to my seat slowly and took a seat just as the bell rang. I felt someone plop down beside me and looked over to be met by a blonde boy with intensely blue eyes. I remembered him. His name was……what was it?

"Reid Garwin." The blonde introduced himself. So that was his name.

"Peyton." I answered simply and looked back up at the teacher, moving my head quickly which wasn't the smartest thing, I realized, as the room started spinning before me. My hand shot up to my head, holding it as I tried to steady my vision.

"Are you alright?" Reid asked me. God his voice was so attractive.

"'m fine." I told him though the room continued to spin. Another boy sat down on my other side, this one had dark brown hair and lighter blue eyes than Reid. I knew him too and his name was…

"Tyler Simms." Tyler introduced.

"Peyton." I said. My other hand moved to my chest and I could feel my heart beating quickly under my super hot skin.

"You alright?" Tyler asked. His voice was so warm and soft, like honey. I liked it.

"Fine." I muttered as the teachers voice went on. His voice sounded weird, like I was submerged in water and he was above, talking down to me.

"Are you sure?" Reid asked. "You seem out of it."

"I said I'm fine." I snapped at him. It didn't work very well because my head felt like it was going through a wind tunnel but he seemed to get the message and leave me alone for the rest of the class. When the bell rang, my head throbbed slightly and I got up, a little too quickly, and almost fell but Reid caught me.

"Thanks." I said and left as quickly as I could. I knew that by the time school was over, I'd have to light up again. I went through three more classes before disappearing into the bathroom near the lunch room. I picked this one because there was a window next to the end stall. I opened it up and took a small blunt out of my bag and sparked it. I inhaled the smoke like I had done before and coughed almost instantly. I could hear the conversations drifting into the bathroom from the lunchroom and held my head with my free hand. It seemed so loud and all the voices drifted together, sounding like the teacher's had. I inhaled again and coughed, harder this time. Ten minutes later, I flushed what was left and walked out of the stall, swaying as I did. I smiled and turned to the mirror, a frown instantly taking over. You could somewhat see the bruises and I knew that they'd probably get more visible later, they always did. The cover up didn't cover that well, I knew I had to buy more.

I walked out of the bathroom just as the bell rang and immediately went to my gym class. I told my teacher that I felt sick and she let me sit out of tennis, which I silently thanked because I had tried playing tennis high once before and that didn't end very well. After gym, I headed to Spanish and after that was over, I headed over to my last class of the day. Chemistry. Great, now I could blow something up. I sat at a lab table and when I looked up, I saw the blonde from before sit next to me. Damn it…..What was his name again. I know he told me…..

"Reid." I said out loud and he looked at me.

"Yes?" He asked with his cute voice again. Hell, his voice sounded like an angel's. I loved it. I reached over and put my hand on his cheek. He looked confused and I just smiled at him. A few awkward seconds passed and I dropped my hand and turned to the front. The teacher told us about a lab that we were going to perform the next day. He said that it was very dangerous and that we'd have to be careful and pay very close attention to what we were doing. Apparently I wouldn't be smoking up before Chemistry tomorrow. When the bell rang, I gathered up my stuff and walked out of the class, Reid following behind me.

"Peyton." He called as he put his hand on my arm and stopped me. I stumbled back a little and turned to look at him. "What was that in class?"

"Nothing. Forget it." I said as I continued to walk. I got outside and Reid stopped me again. I shut my eyes, the sun hurting them badly. When I opened them again, Reid was looking down at me.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked worriedly.

"Your voice is really nice." I told him. "It's very calming. I love it." Reid just looked down at me strangely and then looked into my eyes.

"You're eyes are completely bloodshot." Reid stated, mostly to himself. Fuck, I forgot to put visine in this morning.

"So what?" I asked him as I stumbled back a little. He studied me for a second before realization dawned on him.

"Your high, aren't you?" He asked me.

"So what? Why should you care?" I asked defensively. "You going to tell the provost?" I rolled my eyes and turned around a little too quickly and fell back. He caught me and helped me into a sitting position on the small bench. The world continued to spin for a few minutes and I felt his eyes on me the whole time.

"Reid." Someone called from behind us. I spun around to look and saw a boy with tanned skin and brown eyes coming toward us. He looked down at me and smiled. "Hi, I'm Caleb." The guy said.

"Ok." I muttered, putting my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands. I could hear Caleb's muffled whispers and Reid responding to him.

"Peyton. Peyton, look up at me." I looked up and looked directly into Caleb's eyes. They were a warm brown, like chocolate.

"Your eyes are pretty." I told him. "So chocolatey." He looked at me oddly and sighed, shaking his head.

"Why are you doing this stuff?" Caleb asked. I stood up angrily and pushed him away as I started back for the dorms.

"Peyton." I heard both of them calling my name but I ignored it as I stumbled back to the dorms. I achingly climbed the stairs and opened my door once I could manage to get the key in the lock.

"Hey." I turned around and spotted a guy with curly brown hair starting for me. "Aaron Abbot."

"Goodnight." I said as I walked into my room and slammed the door in Aaron's face. I locked the door behind me and quickly stripped off the uniform and slipped into a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. I floated down onto my bed and fell into a blissful sleep.

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**So what did you think? I know I didn't get very descriptive on some things, or maybe too descriptive for some. And before you ask, yes I know what i'm talking about with the whole weed thing so i'm not just using the media's take on it and playing it up. I'm telling it how it is, at least, for me.**


	2. Save Me

**So I'm glad that you all liked the first chapter. Yeah, I know it's dark but again, I'm in a dark mood. **

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The next morning, I woke up more tired than I had been the day before and rolled over, hissing in pain as my side came into contact with the bed. Damn, when would that just go away. I picked myself up off the bed and grabbed a towel before walking into my bathroom. I loved having a corner dorm, I had my own shower. I turned on the water as hot as it would go and stepped it, washed myself quickly, and stood under the spray for about ten more minutes before finally getting out and drying myself off. I walked into my room and slipped on my Spenser uniform in disgust and quickly towel dried my hair. I brushed it out and walked over to my mirror, quickly applying cover up, dark eye shadow, and black eye liner. My bruises were less noticeable since they had faded from their dark bluish color and were now a very light yellow.

I walked over to my bedside table and pulled out my hitter, along with my lighter and baggie of weed. Damn, I was almost out. I would have to go down to Beverly to get more. Probably tomorrow. I packed the hitter and lit it up, letting the smoke fill my lungs until it couldn't be filled anymore and I started coughing violently. Once I had calmed down, I did it again and again and again until there was no more left in the hitter. I dumped the remains into the toilet and flushed before stumbling out to my bedroom and lit a cigarette. I opened my window and febreezed my room as I continued puffing on the cigarette. It still felt odd as my tongue felt like it was being coated in the nicotine but I knew that it meant that it would be a good day. I finished off my cigarette, sprayed on some body spray, grabbed my bag, and walked out of my dorm, stumbling slightly. I made my way out of the dorms without incident but ended up falling twice on the way to the school building.

I groaned as I picked myself up and continued on my journey into Spenser Academy. I walked into Literature and spotted Reid, Tyler, Caleb, and another kid I think was named Bouge, sitting around my seat. Reid and Tyler were in their same places while Caleb and the other kid were sitting just behind me. I took my seat and stared at the front but I knew their eyes were still on me.

"What do you want?!" I snapped, turning around. Reid turned my head slightly to look into my eyes and looked down, shaking his head slightly.

"Peyton…" His voice trailed off.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled, moving away from him.

"Why are you doing that stuff?" The other guy, Bouge I was sure, asked.

"Why do you care Bogue?" I asked him.

"It's Pogue." he corrected.

"And because it's dangerous." Caleb added.

"So? It's not like I'm your friend or anything, so why do you four all need to care?" I asked.

"Because I do care." Reid said, looking into my eyes again. I saw a warmth in them, concern for me, and a caring. I shook those thoughts out of my head as the bell rang and my head felt like it was filled with air. The teacher walked in and started talking. Pogue and Caleb were both looking at me instead of listening to the teacher, Tyler seemed to be trying to listen to the teacher, and Reid just plainly stared at me. I felt like I was a zoo animal and they were all studying me. I hated that feeling. I tried to get rid of that feeling, right now I wanted to be numb like I had planned but apparently they didn't feel the same way. Once the bell rang, I bolted out of the class and straight to the bathroom. I slammed the stall door and leaned against the wall, sinking down. Reid said he cared about me. But he just met me. He just didn't want to feel bad about not trying to help. But he had tried and now he didn't have whatever obligation he seemed to think he had.

The second period bell rang but I just stayed put, not moving from my spot. I had so many thoughts going through my head and didn't know how to stop them. I thought about Reid and Jon and my parents; the last one made me shiver. I was pulled out of my thoughts by the last bell and headed over to my Geometry class. I sat down in my seat and continued on my thoughts, not paying attention to the teacher what so ever. I went through the day in my own little world until I found myself in the Chemistry classroom with Reid right beside me. The teacher talked about the lab again and paired Reid and me together to complete it. I turned on the burner and turned to Reid who was looking at all the chemicals. We did the first few steps in silence before he finally spoke up.

"Peyton, there are other ways of dealing with whatever…" Reid started.

"How about we not talk about my life, thank you." I snapped, still looking at the lab station. "We should probably turn up the burner."

"Professor said to leave it three fifty." Reid argued. I just rolled my eyes and bumped up the burner when he was looking at the book.

"Why do you do it Peyton?" Reid asked. "What's so wrong?"

"Didn't I just say I didn't wanna talk about this?!" I yelled at him. I felt the entire class's eyes on us and groaned as I turned back to the lab again. The others slowly went back to their own work and again ignored us.

"I'm sorry." Reid said. "I just don't understand."

"And you never will now shut up!" I turned around too fast and my arm accidentally knocked over a beaker full of a clear liquid and a test tube filled in a green one. The teacher yelled and the next second Reid pushed me out of the way and threw me to the ground, staying on top of me. I heard a crack and when the smoke cleared away, I saw that the place that I had been standing in was completely surrounded in smoke and I realized that the small fire that had started was now out.

There was a lot of commotion around us, mostly from the girls looking as though they wanted to be in my position with Reid still on top of me. I liked having the feeling of Reid's body against mine and shook the thoughts out of my head as I pushed Reid off of me. He stood up and I scrambled up quickly, staying far away from him. The teacher rushed over to me to check me over before going over to Reid.

"Mr. Garwin, what have I told you over and over. BE CAREFUL!" The teacher yelled. Reid just stood there and took it and it angered me. It was my fault, not Reid's. I opened my mouth to say just that but Reid just said.

"I know, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention and I could've gotten both me and Peyton killed. It won't happen again." Reid said. He looked up and met my eyes and I could see that he knew I would get in big trouble and would rather get in trouble than have me yelled at and do something stupid like light up again.

"Go see the Provost Garwin!" The teacher yelled. Reid nodded and walked out of the room, head still held high. The bell rang and the teacher released us all, warning up to be very careful. I practically ran out of the room and out of Spenser, heading for the dorms. I ran up the first flight of stairs and bolted into my room, instantly going for my drawer. I pulled out my hitter and packed it again. I pulled my lighter out and started taking hits. I had messed up and could've killed Reid and myself and he had taken the blame. How could I have lived with myself if I had caused Reid's death. I personally couldn't wait for death but I couldn't be responsible for his. I finished everything and stood up, swaying slightly.

I fell asleep but when I woke up, I found that it was just after 10 pm. I got out of bed and out of the dorms to my car. Now was as good a time as ever to get some weed. I got into the crappy Ford that my parents had so lovingly given me and started up. It was freezing outside and I waited for the car to heat up a little before pulling out of the parking lot and down the road toward Beverly. The town wasn't too far away, eleven miles and once I entered the town I instantly spotted a dealer on the corner. One thing I've learned over my year was how to spot a dealer a mile away. I put my money into my pocket and parked the car in a parking lot across the street. I shut it off and made my way across the street, acting as though I was going to the store. I instead, turned and faced the guy.

"You holdin?" I asked him.

"How much you need?" He asked.

"An ounce." I answered.

"You got the money?" He asked. I nodded and slipped it over to him as he handed me a baggie.

"That all?" He asked.

"What else you got?" I asked him back.

"Just got it. It's startin to go illegal around here." He pulled out another baggie and let me see it before palming it. "Salvia. Best thing there is."

"How much?" I asked him.

"Twenty." he told me. I pulled another twenty and handed it to him as he handed me the baggie. I nodded at him as he said I'd be back soon for more and turned, walking back to my car. I put the baggies in my bra and drove out of Beverly and back into Ipswich. It was just after eleven when I walked into my dorm and locked the door behind me. I pulled the Salvia out of my bra and brought out my hitter again, packing it. I lit it and sucked it in quickly, almost coughing but not quite as I held the smoke into my lungs as long as I could. I blew it out very slowly before lighting it one more time. I held the smoke in longer and blew it out, feeling completely light headed. This guy had ripped me off, this was just minimally stronger weed than he gave me. I put my hitter back and stood up angrily and gasped. There was a lion in the corner of my room, only it had zebra stripes. It seemed to shimmer in front of me.

"Whoa." I muttered. That never happened before. I turned when I heard a bark and saw a hawk sitting on my desk. But hawks don't bark. I started trippin real bad and ran out of my room, determined to find someone to help. Reid. He would help the hawk go away. I ran out of my room and into the firm body of someone. I looked up and saw the boy who's face I slammed my door in. Aaron.

"Whoa, easy now." Aaron said.

"Where's Reid?" I slurred out. "Need to find Reid."

"Garwin?" Aaron asked. "He's right upstairs, I'll show you." Aaron said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me to the third floor and down the hall to a dorm. Instead of knocking, he just walked in. He and Reid must've been room mates." I guessed. When I looked around, I saw just one bed and no Reid.

"Where is he?" I asked. Aaron just smiled and locked the door behind him.

"He's probably out at Nicky's." Aaron shrugged. He leaned down and put his lips over mine forcefully, kissing me roughly. I instantly pulled back but Aaron just grabbed onto my arm and pulled me back to him.

"Let me go!" I yelled. Aaron smacked me and I stumbled back, but he held me in place. His lips descended onto mine again and he kissed me harshly before pulling back and throwing me onto the bed. My side screamed in pain as he climbed on top of me and started kissing me again as he worked to get my pants off. I started struggling harder and thrashing my head from side to side.

"No." I mumbled as I struggled. "Not again."

"If you just relax, it'll feel good." Aaron promised me as he kissed down my jaw line and then my neck. I still thrashed under him.

"I want Reid. Not this. Please, not this." I cried.

"It's alright." I looked over and saw Reid's face. But, I was with Aaron now, right? I remember getting here with Aaron and Aaron forcing me to the bed. Not Reid. But I wanted it to be Reid.

"Reid?" I asked. He just smirked and continued kissing my neck and taking off my pants. He threw those to the floor and then got my shirt off. I felt him shift as he kicked off his pants and ripped off his shirt before bringing his lips back to mine. I arched into his touched and smiled.

"Reid." I moaned. When I looked into his eyes, I noticed they were different. They weren't ice blue anymore. They were a dull green. It suddenly all came back to me and I realized I wasn't with Reid. It was Aaron.

"No. Not again. Not now." I said, trying to trash away from him but he just held me close and soon, all I could feel was pain. A few minutes into it, I passed out.

When I regained consciousness, I tried to remember what had happened. I had gone to Beverly, bought some more shit, smoked it, Aaron.

Aaron. I sat up and quickly looked around, finding myself alone in this empty room. I was naked under the sheets and my clothes were thrown carelessly around the room. I got up quickly and hissed in pain; my entire lower body felt as though it were on fire. I grabbed my clothes, quickly slipping them on and hurrying out of the dorms. It was still pretty dark out so I figured I'd be safe if I left now. I walked down the stairs but didn't stop at my floor. Instead, I walked out of the dorms and into the cold night. I shivered slightly as I continued walking in the familiar direction I had walked before; to the bridge. It was slippery out as I walked up to the bridge and grabbed onto the ledge. I stood there, watching the water below me. The current was really strong right now and the river looked deeper, probably overflowed from the rain we had the night before. I picked myself up and stood on the ledge, looking below me. Finally.

"What are you doing?" I recognized that voice and faltered. I turned around and sure enough, I saw his blonde hair, shining in the moonlight.

"Go away!" I yelled at him.

"Peyton. Please get off the ledge." Reid said. I could hear hurt in his voice as he said the words.

"No. I need to do this." I told him as I turned away and looked down at the water again.

"Why Peyton? This isn't the answer, no matter what you believe." Reid told me.

"I don't want to feel it anymore." I said, my voice about a whisper. "I don't want this pain anymore."

"Peyton, please. It'll all get better, I promise. Just get off the ledge." Reid begged.

"You can't promise that!" I yelled. "Jon promised that and it all just got worse!"

"I always keep my promises Peyton, and I promise it'll all be alright." Reid said. I could hear fear now. I can make everything better."

"No you can't!" I yelled. "No one can. No one can give me all those nights I spent in my room crying myself to sleep back. No one can give me my innocence back!" I yelled the last part as loud as I could. I suddenly felt dizzy and fell back.

"NO!" I heard Reid yell and suddenly, the falling feeling stopped and I realized I was in someone's arms. Maybe God was finally caring for me. I opened my eyes and saw Reid looking down at me, tears in his eyes.

"God Peyton, you almost died." Reid said, the fear still in his voice.

"I wish I had." I cried and soon Reid was hugging me tightly to him.

"Don't say that." Reid whispered before making calming soothing noises. I cried harder into his chest as he stroked my hair. This feeling was so alien, so weird to me. Someone holding me in their arms as if I was a fragile doll. I liked this feeling, it was so warm and comforting.

"Aaron." I choked on the word and cried harder. Reid instantly stiffened and pulled me back so he could look in my eyes.

"What about Aaron?" Reid asked.

"He….He…" I couldn't say it. I looked down and cried into his chest again and he pulled me into a hug again. I could still feel that he was tense and I could practically feel the anger radiate off of him.

"You should probably get some rest." Reid said as I nodded against his chest. He picked me up and I must've dozed off because next thing I knew, I was being placed in a bed. I looked up and saw Reid standing above me.

"Where are we? How did we get here so fast?" I asked.

"You're at my house." Reid answered. "You fell asleep and we were closer to my house than the dorms."

"I wanna go back there." I told him.

"I know but it's late and I just want you to get some sleep." Reid told me. I nodded and laid back down as Reid stood to leave.

"Where are you going?" I asked him.

"To the guest room across the hall. You're kinda in my bed." Reid said with a smile.

"I don't wanna be alone." I told him. "What if Aaron…" My voice trailed off. Reid nodded and sat back down on the bed.

"I'll stay here till you fall asleep." Reid promised. I smiled gratefully and closed my eyes, falling asleep almost instantly. Before I fell asleep, I'm sure I heard Reid sigh and talk to himself, though the words were meant for me.

"I don't know why you want to kill yourself Peyton. You seem so together in class. I've been watching you since you got here three weeks ago and I feel something so good, so pure about you. I don't know what I would do if you were to die. I promise I'll do everything I can to make sure you never feel like this again."

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**So that's chapter 2. What do you think?? I personally liked it. Oh and the Salvia mention, I'm not sure exactly what happens with that because even though my friend Jake and I are soooo gonna try it, he won't let me try it until he tests it and make sure it's safe for me so I don't like hurt myself. I love havin that boy watching after me lol.**

**And I know the middle and end is kinda weird and truth be told, i wrote the beginning before school today and then after school I was hangin out with a few of my friends and we got like fuckin blown, it was amaing lol. I'm still feeling the effects which is why the middle and end may seem kinda eh lol. **

**Review loves **


	3. Daddy

When I woke up, memories from the previous night danced in front of my vision and I practically jumped out of the bed I was in; Reid's bed. I had just slept in Reid's bed! I looked around and found that Reid was nowhere in sight. I found my shoes in the corner and slipped them on before walking out of the room into the empty hallway. I followed it down to the stairs and descended down. I made it to the front door when I felt his presence behind me.

"Taking off?" He asked.

"I need to get back to the dorms." I told him, not looking back.

"No." He said sternly. "You can't go back until I deal with Aaron." The possessiveness in his voice was strong.

"I'm fine and it's not your battle." I told him.

"He hurt you." Reid said angrily. "You can't let him get away with it."

"He will anyway!" I yelled, whipping around to face him. "Don't you get it? They ALWAYS get away with it!"

"They?" Reid questioned. "Who else hurt you?!"

"It doesn't matter!" I yelled at him, looking down.

"Please Peyton. Don't go back yet. I don't want to see you on that bridge again. Or worse, in a coffin." Reid's words softened at the end and I looked up to meet his eyes. They were gleaming with tears.

"Just….forget about me." I said softly. "It makes everything so much easier."

"It's too late for that." Reid told me. "There's no way I can forget about you. You're unforgettable." He put his hand on my arm and I instantly pulled away.

"Don't touch me!" I said as menacingly as I could but failed as tears fell from my eyes. Reid put his hand on me again and I pulled away with less enthusiasm. The tears were falling now and he pulled me in his arms as I cried into his chest, just as I had the night before.

"Just forget about me, please Reid." I begged. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"Well then don't hurt me." Reid pleaded. "Don't do anything again, please." I wasn't going to promise him that. I never kept promises and I wasn't going to hurt Reid, I couldn't. Instead of answering him, I cried harder. I felt him leading us away from the door and soon I felt something soft under me. He had helped me into a sitting position on the couch. My crying started to lighten up and soon I was just trying to calm myself down. Reid stroked my hair and whispered soothing things against my ear. I instantly felt calmer and pulled away from him, wiping what was last of my tears away. Reid gave me a look and I couldn't help but smile and give a small laugh.

"I really need a shower." I told him. "If you won't let me go to the dorms, can I at least go home?" Reid laughed and nodded.

"I'll drive you." Reid said. "But I'm going to pick you up again in an hour. I'm taking you out today."

"Reid, I just wanna sleep." I told him but when I looked at Reid, I knew there was no arguing with him. "Fine." He led me out to a silver 2009 Ford Explorer. He opened his door and helped me in before closing my door and jogging over to the driver seat. He jumped into the car gracefully and started it up, pulling out of his driveway.

"So which way am I going?" He asked me.

"Take a left." I told him. He nodded and took a left out of the driveway. I pulled down the visor and looked at the mirror, past my reflection. I gasped when I saw Reid's house. I hadn't noticed from the inside how big it was but it was HUGE, practically a mansion. Hell, it was a mansion. I tried to hide my shock and put the visor back up as I continued to give Reid directions to my house. He pulled up outside the small two level house and I sighed. It looked like my father was gone. That was good. It gave me a chance to jump in the shower and change before Reid came back for me.

"I'll be back in an hour." Reid told me as I jumped out of the car. I nodded and walked up the front steps and into the house. Once I closed the door behind me, I heard Reid pull away. I walked upstairs and looked through my room for something to change into once I finished my shower. I pulled out a pair of black jeans and a black tank top, deciding to throw my big Adidas hoodie over it. I took it into the bathroom and left again to grab towels. When I opened the towel closet, I felt a presence behind me and next thing I knew, I felt a sharp pain in my temple. I fell to the ground and saw that my father was the one who had hit me.

"Who the fuck was that boy?!" My father yelled at the top of his lungs as he kicked me in the side.

"He's just from school." I said and cried out when he kicked me in the same spot. "He offered me a ride here and that's it."

"You're having sex with him, aren't you?" He kicked me harder in the same spot and I felt my vision spin. "You fucking whore, I did not raise you to be a SLUT!"

"I'm not doing anything with him daddy." I said, my voice sounding small and broken. "I would never do anything like that."

"You lie!" He picked me up by my collar and punched me once in the jaw. I swore something cracked but he just dropped me, kicked me one last time, and left. I stayed where I was until I heard the front door open and slam shut. I tenderly picked myself up and grabbed my towels before retreating into the bathroom. I locked the door and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I already had a dark bruise forming on my head and along my jaw. I took my shirt off and noticed that I had dark bruises forming on my right side. Just great, I knew this was a bad idea. I turned on the shower and slipped off the rest of my clothes before stepping into the burning shower. I instantly slipped down the wall and cried to myself as the water washed away all the blood that had started to spill from cuts on my jaw and forehead. I shakily pushed myself up to wash my body and hair before turning off the now cold water and stepping out. I dried myself off tenderly, used to this by now and slipped into the clothes I brought in with me. I opened the medicine cabinet and took two pain killers before pulling out my cover up and other make up. I looked in the mirror as I applied the cover up put on black eyeliner and eye shadow heavily. At least it made the bruises less noticeable. I heard the doorbell ring and carefully walked downstairs, looking out the window as I did so. It was only Reid. I exhaled and opened the door to see him smiling and holding a white rose.

"Reid, that's sweet but not necessary." I told him.

"I know, but I thought you would like it." He said. "It's as beautiful as you." I looked down and slipped on my shoes as he ushered me out the door and back into his Explorer. He pulled away from my house and drove out of Ipswich. I wondered where we were going.

"Reid?" I asked hesitantly.

"It's a surprise." He told me. I never liked hearing those words but once Reid's hand found mine, I felt more comfortable. I sat back and watched as he drove us through Boston and then stopped outside of a small diner. He led me inside and over to a corner booth that was secluded from the rest of the restaurant and slid into the booth, pulling me down to him. I hissed in pain as he grabbed onto my newly sore side but tried to cover it up by telling him I was starving. He just smiled at me and handed me the menu. I avoided looking at him for the most part, I didn't want him to see the bruises that I'm sure were still completely visible. I was shocked he hadn't noticed them so far, probably because he wasn't on my right side, he couldn't see them. I hid my face in my menu and when the waitress came over, I asked for a cheeseburger with fries and a coke while Reid got the same. I put the menu back and faced away from Reid, looking over the diner. There weren't many people in here for this time of day which was surprising. Usually this was the lunch rush hour.

Things were quiet between Reid and me and when the food arrived, I instantly started scarfing it down. It felt like so long since I'd eaten, I couldn't even tell you the last time I did. I think it was about four days ago. When I had first started smoking weed, everyone told me that I would have the munchies but I learned that it brought down your high quickly. When I started doing weed real hard, I decided that I wouldn't eat until I was completely sober so I wouldn't bring down my high, though this past week, I barely ever had a sober moment. This was my first in the past week. The burger was gone quickly and I started to devour my fries.

"Whoa, calm down Pey." Reid said with a small laugh. I couldn't help but laugh too as I popped another fry into my mouth. Reid made a face at me and I laughed again. I couldn't help it, he brought out my happiness. Soon both Reid and I had finished our lunch and he paid for it before leading me back outside. I thought we'd be going back to the car but instead he led me down the street to an empty park. The sun was shining brightly above us as Reid took my hand and led me over to a swing set. He helped me into the seat and started pushing me so I felt as though I were flying without any drugs to help. This feeling was so strange to me, I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to it.

Suddenly Reid grabbed onto the chains and stopped the swinging. I turned around confused when his lips descended onto mine in a soft, tender kiss. I gasped in surprise and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth and massage mine with his. I moaned softly into the kiss and I heard him moan as well. When we finally pulled apart to get some air, he took a strand of my hair between his fingers and started playing with it. I smiled softly and looked up into his eyes. His fingers stopped moving as he looked at my face. He let go of my hair and moved instead to gently touch my forehead and then move down to my jaw.

"Peyton, what happened?" He asked me, concern and anger in his eyes.

"I tripped when I was running up the stairs." I said as I pulled away from him and turned away. I got up off the swing and started walking away toward the empty field but Reid caught my arm and pulled me back. I lashed out at him, pulling my arm away and pushing him away. I started to walk away again but I felt him take my arm and keep me in my place.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled as I pushed him again, but his grip on my arm stayed. He wasn't going to let me go until I told him the truth, I knew it.

"Tell me what happened." Reid said.

"I did and you didn't believe me." I told him. "I was running upstairs to take a shower and I face planted!" I turned away and started walking as quickly as I could but he caught up to me in a matter of seconds and placed his hand on mine. I didn't look back but I felt as though an energy was going through my body.

"What happened?" He asked again. "The truth." I wanted to stick to my story but I had the sudden urge to spill everything to him.

"My dad saw you drop me off and got upset." I said, looking down. He turned me to face him and I couldn't meet his eyes. "He thought that I was sleeping with you and that I'm a whore." I felt anger radiating off of him and when I looked up, I thought his eyes looked black but when I blinked, they were still ice blue.

"That son of a bitch." Reid muttered. "Does he do this a lot?"

"Usually." I nodded.

"Where else did he hit you?" I looked around to see if anyone else was around and slowly lifted my shirt, showing my healing bruises on my left and the newly formed ones on my right.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" He asked me. "The police, family, anyone?"

"I did tell someone." I told him. "I told Jon but right after that my father dragged me here."

"Why don't you call the police and tell them your father is beating you?" Reid asked. It sounded like the most sensible thing to do but he just didn't understand why I couldn't. A part of me didn't understand either.

"Because they won't do anything." I told him. "They'll arrest him and question him and then they'll let him free and he'll come after me." I was crying hard now and my entire body was shaking.

"We'll make sure that doesn't happen." Reid promised me. Suddenly, the calm that I had was gone and was replaced with anger.

"They won't do anything!" I yelled. "And don't you dare tell them because I will deny EVERYTHING!" I turned away and started walking again.

"Where are you going?" He called after me.

"I'm going back to the dorms!" I yelled over my shoulder. I heard him jogging behind me and then take my hand.

"Let me drive you there. You're not going to walk thirty six miles back to the dorms." Reid told me. I wanted to yell at him, tell him I would walk as far as I damn well pleased but I knew that if I started walking now, I probably wouldn't get back until sometime tomorrow.

"Fine." I said harshly as I walked back to the car with Reid following right behind me. I got into the passenger seat and slammed the door as hard as I could but nothing happened. Reid got in after me and started up the car.

The ride back to Ipswich was silent, I was still so angry at myself for telling everything to Reid and he must've guessed the anger was directed at him. Part of it was. How had he made me tell him. It took me a year to tell Jon anything and it took me less than a week to tell Reid. How could he have pulled that one off, I questioned that the entire ride.

When Reid pulled up outside the dorms, he let out a sigh and against my will, I paused in the car.

"Peyton, I can help you." He told me. "I know you don't believe it, but I can."

"It's fine Reid, really." I said, looking out the window. "It's been going on so long, I've pretty much gotten used to it."

"You shouldn't have to." Reid said. "You should be able to be happy and not live in fear."

"That's why I was on that fuckin bridge before you decided to play hero!" I yelled.

"That isn't the answer Peyton, but turning your father in is." Reid said in the calmest voice I'd ever heard. I shook my head and quickly jumped out of the car before running into the dorms and up to my dorm. It quickly unlocked the door and flew right in, locking it behind me. I ran over to my bedside table and pulled out my hitter along with my bag of weed. I quickly lit it up and soon I felt so much better than I had before. I laid back on my bed and stared at the ceiling above me. The entire room was spinning and suddenly I completely forgot about Reid and my father. There was just me in this spinning room. My phone rang beside me and I looked down, seeing Jon calling. Sighing, I picked it up.

"What?" I snapped.

"Thank god Peyton. I thought you were dead." Jon said hysterically through the phone.

"I wish." I muttered. "Why would you care anyway?"

"What are you talking about Peyton? I care about you. I love you, you're like my little sister." When Jon said he loved me, I felt my heart speed up but when he said I was like a little sister, my heart completely stopped and shattered.

"Little sister. Of course." I muttered mostly to myself and felt angry tears rising.

"God Peyton, that's not what I meant." Jon said hurriedly.

"No, it's exactly what you meant." I said and the words stung. I still had this strong love for Jon, he was my guardian angel, but he didn't return any of that same love.

"Peyton, please. Let me just explain what I meant." Jon begged.

"It's exactly what you said Jon. I'm your little sister." I gave a dry laugh. "You're just making sure mommy and daddy don't beat you because your_ little sister_ is coocoo for cocoa puffs crazy."

"Peyton, please don't say that. It's not like that at all." Jon said. "I do love you, but just…"

"Not the same way I'm totally in love with you." I answered for him.

"I'm sorry Pey, believe me." Jon pleaded. I just shook my head though he couldn't see that, and the room began to spin faster.

"Whoa, that was a bad idea." I said, mostly to myself, though Jon heard.

"Peyton, what happened. What was a bad idea?" Jon asked frantically.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I told him.

"You're doing it again, aren't you?" Jon asked. "The drugs."

"Well it makes me forget about my father and forget about you. I'd say that that's a plus." I said harshly.

"Peyton, please, I'm begging you. Stop the drugs." Jon pleaded. "It's a lot worse when you get so addicted to it."

"Too late for that." I snorted.

"Please just stop." Jon begged. "If you don't stop, I'll have to go up there and make you stop." I was tempted to tell Jon to come up here with me, stay here with me and keep me safe from all this, make me stop all the bad feelings that I harbored in my heart, but shook those quickly out.

"Just stay there, I'm sure Madison wants you up there anyway. You can't leave her." I muttered, jealousy in my voice.

"Peyton, just stop all of this. Please. I don't want to see you hurt." Jon said.

"Well good thing you don't have to see me." With that, I hung up and threw my phone across the room. I heard it hit the floor and soon start ringing again. I just stared at the spinning ceiling and soon I was completely out.

* * *

**So there's chapter 3. Any good.**

**Oh and word of advice. Being stoned and getting on the icy freeway at night going like 55 and spinning out and slamming into the guard rail sux. I wasn't driving, my sober friend was and her date was in the passenger seat, I was the only stoned one in the back but it's a friggin buzzkill when you think the cops are gonna get involved. Seriously**


	4. Saving Peyton

The next morning when I woke up, I felt someone else's presence in my room. My eyes snapped open and I sat up quickly, looking into the dull green eyes of Aaron Abbot.

"How did you get in here?!" I yelled as I backed up as far away from him as I could get. Aaron didn't leave, instead he just stood there looking at me.

"Oh don't be like that." Aaron said in what would be a soothing voice if I didn't know better. "Don't you remember what fun we had?"

"You mean when you raped me?!" I yelled louder, hoping someone would hear and burst into my room, saving me from Aaron.

"You didn't say that when you were moaning and arching into my touches." Aaron said with a smirk. I just glared at him, the drugs had made me see Reid, not Aaron. I had wanted it to be Reid touching me like that, not him.

"I thought you were someone else." I said, barely above a whisper.

"Who, Garwin?" Aaron asked with a dry laugh. "Why do you want to get with him anyway? I'm so much more fun." He winked at me and I felt myself shudder at the thought of Aaron on me again. I had to find a way out of here. Before I could do anything, Aaron pounced on top of me and pinned me to my bed. I tried to get out from under him but he held my arms above my head with one of his and let his other hand wander up and down my body.

"Let me go!" I yelled as loud as I could. "Please, stop." I felt myself crying now.

"Aw, don't be like that." Aaron said softly. "You'll love this, I promise." I felt my pants go down and next my shirt was ripped off my body, leaving me half naked under him. Aaron pulled off his shirt and unzipped his jeans as I continued to thrash under him.

"Aaron, Let me go! I don't want this!!" I yelled as I tried to kick him off of me. Aaron didn't even budge as he got ready to violate me again. I continued to cry and right when Aaron was about to rape me, my door burst open and I heard yelling. I couldn't distinguish the voices but I felt Aaron being ripped off of me and then I heard the sounds of flesh hitting flesh and a few grunts in between. I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped. When I blinked away the tears, I saw that it was just Tyler. When I turned to see what had happened to Aaron, I found him bruised and bloody on the floor with an angry Reid standing above him and angry but concerned Caleb and Pogue holding Reid back before he killed Aaron. Reid managed to get away from them for a quick second and kick Aaron in the ribs. Aaron just grunted, it looked like he was completely knocked out.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Reid yelled. "You stupid son of a bitch! Don't you ever touch her!!"

"Reid." My voice was so small, I could barely recognize it. Reid turned to look at me and once his eyes found mine, the anger dissipated and was replaced with concern.

"God Peyton, are you alright?" Reid asked as he came over to sit beside me and wrapped me in his arms. I cried into his chest and he whispered calming things in to my ear. I felt an energy rushing through me and soon I was completely calm and my tears stopped. I was now aware that I was sitting in my bedroom in front of four boys, only in my underwear. I blushed and looked down and they all seemed to get the hint. Caleb and Pogue took Aaron out of my room, Tyler following right behind them.

"You get changed." Reid whispered to me. "I'll be waiting right outside your door. You're not staying here anymore." Reid kissed my forehead and walked out of my room, closing the door behind him. I took a minute to compose myself before getting up and walking over to my closet. I pulled out dark blue jeans, a black tank, and my Adidas hoodie. I walked over to my window and opened it slightly before pulling out my hitter and weed. I packed the hitter and quickly lit up, trying to get my high before Reid decided to walk back in and see what took so long. When I finished everything in my hitter, I put it away and febreezed my room quickly before getting up and finishing getting ready. I put on cover up and dark eye shadow and eye liner before closing my window, putting on perfume and walking out of my room. True to his word, Reid was right outside my door which I found out by bumping into him and stumbling slightly. Reid instantly caught me and I played it off as he surprised me instead of me being high.

"Come on. I'm not letting you stay in the room a minute longer." Reid took my hand and led me out of the dorms.

"Where's Aaron?" I asked, hoping he was dead.

"Caleb and Pogue took him back to his room." Reid answered, anger clear in his voice.

"Is he…" my voice trailed off, not wanting to say the word dead.

"He's alive." Reid said, as though he regretted it. "But if he tries anything again, he won't be for much longer."

"Reid, you didn't have to do anything." I told him.

"So I was supposed to let you get hurt again?" Reid asked, pulling us to a stop. I looked down.

"It would've been over soon." I muttered. "Besides, you'll get in trouble for beating up Aaron, especially on school grounds."

"It's a small price to pay." Reid said as he pulled me into a hug. "I couldn't let him get away with hurting you."

"Reid…" I trailed off, looking down.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine." Reid promised me, kissing the top of my head. I smiled slightly and nodded, wanting to believe Reid so bad.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked him as he helped me into the car.

"We were gonna take you home." Tyler piped up from the backseat.

"No." I shook my head. I didn't want to go back home, not with my father there. I didn't want him seeing me with two boys, that would get so much worse.

"It's better than here with Aaron." Reid said.

"Pfft." I rolled my eyes and stared out the window. "I don't want to go there."

"Then where do you want us to take you?" Tyler asked.

"You'll stay at my house then." Reid said at the same time. Tyler and I both looked up at him, both shocked and confused.

"What?" I asked him.

"I don't want you staying here with Abbot. You don't wanna go home. This is a compromise." Reid said.

"Reid, I can't." I shook my head.

"Well we're running out of options here." Reid told me.

"Just let me go back upstairs." I begged. "I'm sure Aaron will leave me alone after what you did to him."

"It's not guaranteed and I don't wanna risk it." Reid shook his head. "Not when you're involved."

"I'll be fine." Reid just shook his head again and drove away from the dorms. I noticed he wasn't going toward the houses, instead he was going into town.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"You need to eat." Reid told me.

"No, I don't. I'm fine." I shook my head and the car spun slightly. I reached up and held my head subtly but Reid still caught it.

"Yes you do. You're high and you need to bring it down." Reid told me. He pulled up to a small diner, different from the one we went to before, and helped me out of the car, leading me inside. He led Tyler and me to a booth and told me to get in one side so I did and slid over so he could join me. Tyler slid into the other booth and looked down at the menu. I looked down at it half heartedly. I was hungry but since I was now apparently moving into Reid's house, I wouldn't be able to get high as much, and Peyton liked the high. A waitress came over and took drink orders. I got a coke and looked back down at the menu.

"Are you ready to order?" She asked.

"Cheeseburger with fries." Reid told her.

"I'll have the special." Tyler told her.

"Can I just have a small plate of fries?" I asked.

"No." Reid shook his head at me before turning to the waitress. "She'll have a burger, extra ketchup, and fries." The waitress just nodded and walked away.

"I'm not hungry Reid so you're wasting your money." I told him.

"You're going to eat it Peyton, I know you're hungry." Reid said. I hated how he read my mind. "I know you want to keep your high but that's too damn bad." Ten minutes passed before the waitress came back with the food. I just looked up at Reid who looked down at me strictly.

"Eat." I muttered swears under my breath and took a bite of a fry. "Peyton, I'm serious." He looked away and I suddenly felt hungry and began scarfing half my plate. I paused for a minute and looked up. Tyler looked like he was communicating with Reid without talking, and from the looks of it, Tyler was very upset with Reid who just tried to blow it off.

"What's wrong?" I asked, confused as to what was going on.

"Nothing." Reid said, taking his eyes of Tyler and looking at me. "I just knew you were hungry, that's all." I shook my head and felt everything spin again. When I looked into Reid's eyes, they looked black again but I blew that off as me seeing things since his eyes were blue a second later.

"I am not hungry." I said as I pushed the plate away. Reid gave a disapproving look but I didn't care. I wasn't going to finish the food because I knew that would prove him right. I would rather starve. Reid just shook his head and waited for the waitress to come back. Once she did, Reid told her to box up my food, saying that I would finish it later. I just rolled my eyes at him. Reid and Tyler had both finished their food so they paid the bill together and we left, Reid holding my food in his hands. When he got back to the car, He gave it to Tyler who held it in the back while Reid drove to his house. Once there, he led me inside and up some stairs to a room across from the one I had stayed in before. When he opened the door, I gasped. The room was huge. There was a king sized bed in the middle, a desk in the corner, two big dressers, two full length mirrors that I was sure I'd never use really and an adjoining bathroom. When I walked in there I saw a huge Jacuzzi sized bathtub and everything was so white and clean.

"Whoa." I finally let out. Reid and Tyler just laughed. "Guys, I can't stay here, no matter if you want me to or not. It's too nice."

"Peyton, I want you to stay here. Please." I sighed and nodded. I guess being far away from Aaron and my father wasn't that bad.

"Reid…" I trailed off, looking down, then back up at him. "My stuff…"

"We'll have Kate and Sarah get it for you." Reid said. "I don't want you going back there."

"But my _stuff_." I put emphasis on the word stuff and he shook his head.

"No. No more of it." Reid told me. I wanted to argue with him but knew I wouldn't win it. "Good. I'll call Sarah, you get comfortable. You're not going anywhere." I rolled my eyes and flopped down on the bed, closing my eyes and smiling softly.

* * *

**I'm sorry for not updating I've just been so busy. School, bleh. lol. Anyway, i wish it was longer but i'm cold and multi tasking so i wanted to get this up before i forget. Tell me what you think and if i get enough reviews, i might update sooner, rather than later**


	5. Looking After Peyton

Two hours later when the stuff from my dorm was delivered to Reid's house, I started going through the boxes, putting stuff away and looking for what I already knew wouldn't be there.

"They didn't pack it." Reid said from the door. I turned and gave him a dirty look. "They were told to avoid your nightstand."

"Well then I'll walk up there." I told him as I tried to walk past him; he just stayed right there in the doorway, blocking my way.

"I don't think so." Reid said. "You can't do that kind of stuff anymore."

"I can't just quit!" I yelled at him. "I'm addicted, I need it!"

"You don't need it." Reid said calmly. "It's all mental."

"Shut up _Jon_!" I yelled at him. Even though Reid had absolutely no idea who Jon really was, he was still sounding just like him and I hated it.

"I'm not Jon." Reid said, still standing in the doorway. "But I still can't let you go back to the drugs."

"It's all I have Reid." I told him.

"You have the guys, they care about you. They see you as a little sister. And you have me." Reid said.

"What? Another big brother?" I asked him, feeling tears sting the back of my eyes. That's all I ever was, all I ever will be; the little sister.

"No Peyton. I like you." Reid told me, walking into the room and putting his finger under my chin, raising my face to look at him. "A lot, Peyton." He leaned down and brought our lips together in a soft, tender kiss. I instantly responded, putting my arms around his neck and pulling him down to me. Reid quickly adjusted to my height and we stood there for what seemed forever before Reid led us back and we were soon on the bed. When Reid's hands started going up my shirt, I jumped and moved away from him. Reid instantly realized what he did and looked at me with a sorry expression.

"God Peyton, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean…" I just shook my head at Reid's expression and continued backing away.

"It's alright. I'm fine." I promised him as I got off the bed and walked over to another box, unloading it and putting stuff away.

"Peyton…" Reid tried, putting his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off and shook my head. "Peyton, we're all getting ready to go to Nicky's. Do you want to go?"

"I don't know…" I said, looking down. I really didn't want to go because a part of me felt that Reid only wanted me to go so he could watch over me.

"Come on." Reid gave me puppy dog eyes and I couldn't say no. I sighed and nodded, grabbing my hoodie and following him down the hall. I slipped on my shoes at the front door and followed Tyler and him out to the car. I took shotgun again and Tyler didn't seem to mind as we drove to the packed parking lot of Nickys. I got out and went inside, following Reid to a table where Caleb, Pogue, Kate, and Sarah were already sitting at.

"What do you want?" Reid asked me as I took my seat.

"I'm not hungry." I told him.

"Bullshit. What do you want?" Reid asked again.

"Just whatever." I shrugged him off and he walked away with Tyler. I turned back to the table to see both of the guys looking at me while the girls talked. I hated feeling their stares on me.

"You two are Kate and Sarah, right?" I asked.

"Yeah. Kate." The first girl said before pointing to the blonde beside her. "Sarah."

"Thanks for…" I was interrupted by Caleb coughing, Pogue joining him.

"You guys alright?" Sarah and Kate's attention instantly turned to their boyfriends who continued their coughing fit.

"Fine." Caleb choked out. Pogue just nodded to Kate. Reid came back a few minutes later with another cheeseburger and fries. I just rolled my eyes at him and started slowly eating the fries just to spite him.

"Pool?" Tyler asked, looking at Reid. Reid gave me a look of uncertainty before turning back to Tyler and nodding. The two of them disappeared and I found that Caleb and Pogue both kept their eyes on me, as if I would run away. I hated them not trusting me, it made me want to run away just to teach them a lesson. I picked at a few more fries and listened to their conversation half heartedly, putting my hands in my pockets, feeling my cigarette pack in my pocket.

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked Sarah softly.

"Past the bar, on your right." Sarah told me. I nodded and walked over to the bathroom. There were five stalls in there and a small window, just big enough for me to fit through. Luckily it was close to the ground so I could sneak back in when I wanted to. I slipped out and lit up a cigarette, letting the smoke fill my lungs.

"Got another square?" I heard a voice behind me. I turned to find a boy about my height with medium brown hair that hung in his face, hiding his eyes so I couldn't really see them. I wondered how he could see. I nodded and pulled out the pack again, handing him one and then my lighter. He lit his up and gave the lighter back to me which I shoved back into my pocket.

"So sneaking out for a smoke?" The boy asked.

"My friends keep watching me. I knew they wouldn't let me leave to smoke alone so I said I was going to the bathroom." I shrugged annoyed.

"Why wouldn't they let you smoke alone?" The boy asked.

"Because they would think I'm smoking other things." I rolled my eyes.

"Weed?" He asked. I just nodded. "You have any on you?" he asked hopeful. I looked up at him surprised. I didn't think anyone in this town would smoke.

"No. It's all at my dorm and they won't let me go back there." I said.

"Why not?" He asked curiously.

"What's your name anyway?" I asked him.

"Shane." He answered simply. "Now why can't you go back?"

"Because when I'm there, I smoke I guess." I shrugged, not wanting to bring up the whole Aaron situation. "I'm staying with one of them."

"So you lookin for weed?" Shane asked. I knew I should probably say no but couldn't help but saying yes. "There's a party at this kid Jason's house. Interested?" He asked. I looked back at Nicky's and came to my decision.

"Lets go now." I said. Shane nodded and led me around front where the cars were parked and over to a silver 2002 Dodge Dakota.

"Hot-ness." I told him with a smirk as I jumped into the passenger seat, throwing out my burned out cigarette and lighting a new one.

"That's what I thought when I bought it." Shane said with a laugh. He started up the car quickly and as I took a drag on my cigarette, I looked back at Nicky's and smirked. I wondered if the guys noticed I was gone. If they did, it was too damn bad because I wasn't going to go back.

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**Okay, so i'm gonna post it on here. Yes, i do smoke weed. I know it's bad for me but right now it's the only thing keeping me sane. I am not encouraging anyone to start smoking because soon you go broke and that really sucks, especially when i was gonna save up for a tattoo and piercings next month for my birthday. It's a bad habit and a bad thing to do so don't do it. **

**And if you do start smoking weed, make sure that you're sure about it and not just doing it to a) look cool or b) because i said it was ok becuase i am not saying that.**


	6. Party

Shane pulled up outside a pretty big house ten minutes later and hopped out of the car. I followed suit and he led me up to the front steps, opening the door and ushering me inside. The smell of weed hit me right of the bat and I knew that I was in heaven. There were bodies everywhere and on the tables there were bongs and bowls scattered around with weed somewhere near them. There were people dancing, smoking blunts and then passing them on to their partners.

"Shane." A blonde boy with emerald green eyes shook Shane's hand and pulled him into a half hug, patting him on the back.

"Jason, what up?" Shane said with enthusiasm as he looked around. "Where'd you put my stash?"

"It's in my room, stuffed in my drawer, you know where." Jason told him. "And who is this? I've never seen her before."

"Peyton." I told him. I was full aware that I had never told Shane my name.

"Peyton." Jason repeated with a smile on his lips. "Did you just transfer to Ipswich High?"

"No, actually I go to Spenser." I told him. Both his expression and Shane's dropped slightly. "What, is that bad?"

"We usually don't hang with the Spenser kids." Shane explained.

"Those rich self righteous…" Jason started.

"Hey, I'm not rich or self righteous. I have a douche bag of a father who wanted me locked up in the dorms." I instantly defended myself.

"Sorry." Shane told me. "We haven't had the best experiences with Spenser kids."

"That Aaron Abbot is gonna…" I didn't pay attention to what Jason said next, I hated hearing Aaron's name right now.

"I need something." I said, probably interrupting Jason.

"We can go get my stash." Shane took my hand and led me up the stairs and into what I guessed was Jason's room. He walked over to a drawer and opened it, rummaging around until he found a bag filled with weed.

"Damn." I muttered, looking at it.

"Yeah, Jason is a dealer and I deal from time to time so this is my bonus." Shane said with a smirk as he pulled out a bowl and packed it. "Ladies first." He handed the bowl to me and I instantly lit it and sucked in the smoke. I let it stay in my lungs as long as I could before I started to cough. I handed the bowl back to Shane who did the same thing. We passed it a few times, Shane dumping out the ash and packing it again. We repeated it a few times until the bag was half empty and went back downstairs to join the party. Shane kept me close to him, which was fine with me. He was really cute and he didn't try to change me, like Jon and Reid. He accepted me for the pothead I was. A techno song started up and the lights in the place went off, except for a strobe light and laser lights. Shane and I started dancing and I couldn't help but laugh, feeling free here. Now I wished I went to Ipswich High so I could always be with Shane and Jason. Jason came over to us and handed me a blunt which I instantly took and smoked, handing it to Shane. Jason disappeared with a girl so Shane and I continued dancing and passing it between the two of us.

"So how often do you guys do this?" I asked before taking a hit.

"A lot. Jason's dad died a few years ago and his mom is always out on business. Usually three or four times a week we do a big party and then every other day it's just a few of us hanging out here or at my house.

"Fuckin sweet." I said as I handed the blunt back to him.

"You should hang with us more." Shane said before taking his own hit.

"Sweet." I smiled at him and watched him smile before he coughed and handed the blunt to me.

"Yeah." Shane pulled out his phone and pressed a few buttons before asking for my number. I gave it to him and took a hit. Shane smirked and I handed him back what was left. He smoked it and tossed the reminants into an ashtray nearby. He then put his hands on my waist and we continued to dance perfectly together.

I felt the presence I had grown so familiar with and looked around, looking for that blonde hair that I had grown so accustomed to. I didn't see it at first, but I saw Caleb and Tyler.

"Fuck." I muttered and took Shane's hand, leading him out of this room and into the kitchen, which was a bad idea I realized because that was where I found Reid. His eyes locked on mine the second I walked in, and he looked angry.

"Peyton, what the fuck?!" Reid yelled.

"Don't worry about it!" I yelled back. "You don't have to worry about me."

"What the fuck do you mean I don't have to worry?" Reid asked. "I go back to the table at Nicky's and ask Sarah where you are, she tells me you've been in the bathroom for a while and when she checks on you, the window is open and you're gone!"

"I needed a square and I knew you wouldn't let me smoke alone, so I snuck out." I told him. "How did you find me anyway?"

"I heard some guys talking about the party and figured you'd find a way here." Reid said, but I could tell it was a lie. There was something he wasn't telling me.

"Reid." Jason came into the room and smirked. "Good to see you man, we haven't seen you here for a while." Jason went to hand Reid a blunt who just looked at it as though he wanted to take it but knew I was watching.

"Fuckin hypocrite!" I yelled at him.

"It was different." Reid said defensively as he looked away from the blunt and at me.

"How is it different?" I asked. By now everyone in the kitchen was looking at us, and I saw that Tyler, Caleb, and Pogue had found us. "You do it too so how are you gonna tell me I can't?!"

"I _did _it. I don't anymore." Reid said, but from the look in his eyes I knew he wanted it.

"Just go home, Reid." I said angrily.

"Not without you." Reid said persistently. "I'm not leaving you here."

"Reid man, just let her stay." Shane said, sounding calmer than I was.

"Don't get in this Shane." Reid said. "Peyton, you're leaving now."

"Like hell I am!" I shouted.

"Just leave her alone man." Shane said, stepping in front of me. Reid took a swing and soon they were both fighting.

"Stop!" I yelled to no avail as the two continued fighting on the floor. "God damn it, just stop!" I looked over at Tyler, Pogue, and Caleb, but they just stared at the two fighting. "Stop them!" I yelled. They just looked at me and back at the fight.

"Reid man, stop." Tyler finally jumped in and moved to take Reid away from Shane while Jason moved to take Shane away.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I yelled, looking over at Reid. "Why did you punch him?"

"You don't know them like I do, Peyton." Reid tried telling me.

"What's that supposed to mean, Garwin?" Shane asked, glaring at Reid while Jason still held him back.

"You know EXACTLY what it means, Glass!" Reid yelled, trying to get out of Tyler's grip but now Caleb was also holding him back.

"Both of you, STOP!" I yelled, looking between Shane and Reid. "Just stop it."

"Peyton…" Reid started, his sweet, comforting voice coming back.

"If I go, will you just leave Shane alone?" I asked, feeling defeated. I was giving Reid exactly what he wanted.

"Yes." Reid nodded. I sighed and nodded too.

"I'm sorry Shane." I said, unable to meet his eyes. "Call me later." I turned around and walked out of the house, the sons following after me. I saw Caleb's Mustang and Reid's Explorer parked down the street. I slid into the back of Reid's Explorer while Tyler rode up front. Caleb and Pogue got into Caleb's car and after having a few words with Reid, they left, as did Reid.

I didn't talk to him the whole way back, I was still so angry with him, coming to the party and making me leave with him. Reid didn't say anything either and I felt bad for Tyler who was stuck with the uncomfortable silence. Reid dropped Tyler off at the dorms and then sped away before I could get out of the car. He drove straight to his house and waited for me to get out of the car before following. I didn't talk to Reid as I walked into the house and upstairs to the guest room I was staying in. As I started walking into the room, Reid grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled, pulling away from him.

"Why did you just disappear? Do you know how scared I was? I thought you went back to that bridge, Peyton." Reid said and I felt guilty for scaring Reid like that, but the guilt faded when I remembered he had no reason to be scared.

"Why should you care if I was on that damn bridge?!" I yelled back at him. "It's not your concern!"

"Yes it is!" Reid yelled back.

"Why?!" My vocal cords felt like they were going to pop from all the yelling I've done recently.

"Because I DO! Because I care about you!" Reid's yelling started to get lower. "Because now I feel something I've never felt with a girl."

"What?" My voice was as low as Reid's now and my eyes were confused.

"I think I love you, Peyton." Reid said, looking down, then up to meet my eyes, then down again.

"You what?" I was still in shock, and a little high. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying to me, less believe it.

"I love you Peyton." Reid said again, this time meeting my eyes and keeping out gazes locked. I don't know how long we stood there, staring at each other but when I could finally move, I stepped back and closed the door in his face. I couldn't do this now, not after Jon shattered my heart. How could Reid love me, he saw I was a complete mess. He knew that I couldn't stop the drugs, couldn't stop partying, couldn't ever listen to him. I was just a broken girl, I wasn't even sure why I was here. Maybe it was pity, yes, that's what it was. Reid only did this because he pitied me and would probably feel some guilt because he knew me. He only told me he loved me so I wouldn't go kill myself. Of course, that's why he thought I was at the bridge. I laid down on the big bed and curled up in a small ball, crying myself to sleep.

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**So yea, there's the next chapter. The very ending might be kinda bad because i wrote most of it and decided i needed a "break" so i'm kinda not great right now. Hope it's good though**


	7. Jon, Shane, and Crashes

**I know i haven't updated in a while. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!! in all honesty, you really didn't want me to write anything this past week, I was so high, I don't remember much of it anyway. So i saved it until i was sober. Hopefully it makes sense, I've been writing this on and off for like a week lol.**

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The next day, I woke up early and thought I would be able to sneak out of Reid's house but instead found Reid sitting in the living room, watching television. Even though Reid gave small laughs, it looked as though he wasn't really paying attention to what was going on. I took another step and the floor creaked. Reid's gaze instantly turned and looked up at me as I tried to get out of the house.

"Where are you going?" Reid asked, instantly standing up.

"I can't stay here Reid." I told him. "Not after last night."

"Listen Peyton…" Reid started.

"Don't." I held up my hand to stop him from speaking. "Ok, I don't know if you really meant those words but if you did, I can't be fair to you. I don't have the same feelings for you, I don't think I ever will."

"You don't mean that." Reid told me. "I know you felt something when we kissed, otherwise you wouldn't have kissed me again and again."

"That doesn't mean I love you." I told him. "It just means I enjoyed kissing you." I know I was starting to sound harsh but I couldn't help it. If Reid hated me, then he wouldn't care and I could get out of here. I needed him to hate me and I needed to be far away from him. "That was it. Sorry you thought you loved me, but I don't love you." With that, I walked out of the house and into the rainy early morning that Ipswich so graciously gave us.

I didn't make it far before Reid caught up with me and grabbed firmly onto my arm.

"Let me go Reid!" I yelled, yanking my arm back away from him.

"Peyton, just stop!" Reid yelled. I thought his eyes went black, but in this light, I couldn't tell; I was probably just seeing things anyway. I mean, his eyes couldn't be black. Not when they were always a beautiful icy blue.

"Why?!" I yelled back at him.

"Because I do love you! And I know you love me too." This side of Reid was scary, but it wasn't like he was wrong.

"So what?!" I yelled. "Love never goes far for me!"

"Peyton, please." Reid's voice had gotten softer. "I know you love me and I know you're hurt, but please." I met Reid's eyes and all of a sudden, I felt guilt and sadness. I shouldn't have said those things to Reid, I know I shouldn't have. I felt myself collapse into Reid's arms and cry for saying everything. I didn't know what came over me, it felt like I wasn't in control of my body. It felt like an energy was rushing through me again and I remembered this always happened when I hugged him or kissed him or touched him in any way. It never happened with Jon. Maybe I did love Reid. Maybe it was something else, but I couldn't think what else it would be.

"Maybe we should get out of the rain." Reid said with a laugh. I just nodded against his chest and let him lead me back into the house. He helped me up the stairs and over to my room. From there I changed myself while Reid went into his room to do the same. I threw my wet clothes in the bathroom over the shower and put on a pair of sweatpants, a long sleeved t-shirt and my hoodie. I instantly warmed up and went outside to meet Reid who had just stepped out of his bedroom. He looked over at me and gave a weak smile. When he took my hand, I felt the energy again and looked up to meet his eyes. I gave him a small smile in return. We walked downstairs to the living room and sat down on the couch, watching the movie Reid had been watching when I ran out of the house. Reid wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him, pulling my legs up onto the couch. We didn't need to speak, I just felt comfortable being here with him and I thought he felt the same way. The movie wasn't really that interesting, actually, it was pretty boring. Reid must've thought the same thing because he picked up the remote and flipped the channel to another movie and in the brief seven seconds that it was on, you could see a brunette woman jump off a cliff and disappear underneath a river. Reid quickly flipped it off and I looked down, unable to look up at him or at the television. I instead focused my eyes on a small purple stain on the rug and wondered what had caused it. Probably something grape-like. Maybe Reid had some grape juice in the fridge. That sounded good about now actually.

"I'm sorry Peyton." Reid told me. "I didn't know that would show up."

"It's ok." I told him, looking up at the television now to see a kid show on. Probably the only safe thing. We watched it and I couldn't help but feel the need to complain about how weird it was, and how gay. How could children like this stuff? It was just sooo aggravating. Reid changed it after a while to a Disney movie, Minutemen I thought it was. We watched it again in silence and I started to wish that I had a time machine. I could go back to before it all went wrong and stop everything that happened to me. My father never would've laid a hand on me, I never would've been raped, and I never would've fallen in love with Jon for him to just break my heart.

My cell phone started ringing beside me and I looked down, seeing that it was Jon calling. I silenced it and put it back down, turning back to the television. Reid looked down at me but didn't say anything, instead just kissed the top of my head, sending more energy through me. He turned back to the television and my phone started vibrating, letting me know Jon had left me a text message and a voice mail. I ignored it and leaned closer into Reid. Why couldn't Jon just go away and leave me alone? My phone rang again and I got real annoyed. I silenced it and turned it off, putting it on the table in front of us. I turned my attention back to Minutemen and laughed at most of it. Reid just smiled at me sitting beside him and truly laughing. The doorbell rang and Reid got up to go to the door since his parents were out for the weekend. I wondered how his parents were okay with me staying over at their house now, especially since Reid and I had these "feelings" for each other. Wouldn't they worry about us sneaking into each other's rooms at night? Maybe they just didn't care, they were used to Reid having random girls in his room. I shook that thought out of my head and walked over to the window to see who was outside. The first thing that caught my attention was the burnt orange Cobalt sitting in the driveway._ Jon._

I ran to the front door to see Reid standing there, glaring at Jon. Jon looked past Reid though and saw me standing in the corner.

"Oh god, Peyton." Jon rushed past Reid and pulled me close to him, hugging me. "I thought something bad happened." He pulled back, but held me at arms length and looked into my eyes. "You haven't answered my calls for days, I thought you did something to yourself. I kept seeing you, lying on that hospital bed again."

"Well I'm not there, am I?" I said, moving away from him, inching farther away from both him and Reid. "I'm here and I'm fine."

"She said she's fine, and I'm guessing that means she doesn't want you here." Reid said, glaring at Jon, trying to get him to leave.

"I didn't hear those words come from her, so I'm not leaving until she says so." Jon told him. I looked up to tell Jon to leave but once I looked into his piercing blue eyes, I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted to yell at him and kiss him at the same time.

"Jon…" my voice trailed off. I didn't know how to finish that thought. I looked down and shook my head. "I'm gonna go." I slipped on my shoes and walked out of the house. They were both calling after me but they didn't dare come up to me, they knew whoever did, I would bite their head off and the other would be in my good graces. I knew one of them was going to follow me though, make sure I didn't end up on the bridge.

"Whoever is following me, go away. I'm not going to the bridge but I want to be alone!" I continued walking off and knew that when I decided to turn around, I would be alone. I first headed to Spenser to get my car that had been left in the dorm parking lot. Probably so Reid would always have to drive me places. I wish I would've grabbed my music because now I was walking in the silence for another good twenty minutes before I would make it back to the dorms. So in the silence, I walked with Reid and Jon swirling in my head, trying to gain dominance over each other. They both wanted my attention, but more than that, they wanted my heart. Who would win, I didn't know. I found my car in the same spot I left it days ago and hopped into the driver seat, getting my keys out from their hiding spot. I jammed them into the ignition and stepped on the gas, heading out of the parking lot and further down the road to the house I remember Shane taking me before. The house looked quieter and there were only two cars in the driveway. Shane's was one of them. I hopped out of the car and ran up to the house, knocking on the door. A few seconds later, Jason was opening the door, dressed only in jeans.

"Peyton?" Jason asked more than said. Maybe he forgot.

"Yeah. Is Shane still here?" I asked. He nodded and gestured for me to come in. He looked like he was going to yell for Shane but instead, held his head.

"Hung over?" I asked with a laugh. He nodded. "Is Shane in your room?" I asked. Jason nodded again. I ran upstairs and over to where I remembered Jason's room was. I walked in to find Shane only in his boxers.

"Oh, sorry." I muttered, looking down. I had started to cry a while ago but now it was coming harder, partially because I was cold and wet.

"What's wrong Peyton?" Shane's soft voice was soon beside me as were his arms. He pulled me into a hug and then closer into the room. "What's wrong?" Shane asked again.

"I don't know anymore Shane." I told him honestly. So much stuff had happened and soon I had spilled all of it to him. Jon and my father, Aaron and now Reid. I couldn't hide any of it from him.

"It's okay Peyton. Just calm down." I tried listening to his words and soon I was calm. I didn't get the same energy that I did from Reid but it was close. I moved back a little from Shane to wipe the tears away from my eyes but instead, Shane leaned down and kissed me. I felt different from kissing Reid, it felt twice as intense and Shane wasn't even kissing me that hard. When I pulled back, Shane was looking down at me with his sapphire blue eyes. They were just so gorgeous, I wanted to drown in them.

"Shane…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Will you be my girlfriend, Peyton?" Shane asked me. I was so confused right now but I couldn't help myself from smiling.

"Yes." I nodded and kissed him again. I now knew that what I had felt before was nothing compared to what I felt toward Shane. I thought I could fall in love with him pretty fast. When I kissed him I saw the wedding ring and the white picket fence and everything all those people in love would see when they kisses 'the one.'

When we pulled away again, I leaned my forehead against his to catch my breath. I loved how he could make me feel totally breathless without even trying hard.

"Shane, shouldn't I go dry off?" I asked with a laugh. It was now I noticed we were both soaked because we were sitting on the bed holding each other close right after I ran in from the heavy rain. He laughed and nodded. He helped me off of the bed and led me over to the towel closet. He grabbed two and started drying himself off while I did the same. I took off the hoddie and long sleeved shirt, glad that I had put on a small tank top so I could shed off the wet clothing that had been suffocating me. I dried myself off again and tossed my shoes off, throwing them somewhere in Jason's room. When Shane led me downstairs I found that Jason had gone through the entire kitchen looking for Asprin. I opened the kitchen cabinet nearest to the fridge and found the big bottle in there. Shane just laughed while Jason glared at him. When I looked at Shane I let out a gasp. I hadn't seen before in the darkness of Jason's bedroom nor could I feel it but Shane's lip was busted and he had a small cut on his forehead along with a small bruise around it. I shivered as I looked at him. I didn't remember seeing this much damage on Reid.

"Oh my god." I walked over to him and touched the cut. He jumped back a little and I dropped my hand. "Sorry."

"It's okay, it just stings." Shane said with a small laugh.

"You're lying. It's my fault you got that." I was all too familiar with beatings, bruises, and blood. And I knew that this was definitely my fault. Reid and Shane had fought about me.

"It's not your fault." Shane promised me, kissing my forehead. "Reid's just changed majorly."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Reid used to be cool." Shane sighed. "We used to chill all the time when we were kids and then when we got into middle school we didn't hang as much until Reid went to Spenser. He said all those kids were suffocating him. We would chill every day after school until about one in the morning, just smoking and chillin."

"Then he just stopped." Jason spoke up for the first time.

"Around September." Shane nodded. "He stopped and when we'd see him, he'd say he can't chill anymore. Said he was going nowhere."

"So Reid used to smoke too?" I couldn't believe Reid smoked. He got so mad at me for it, it was so hypocritical.

"More than any of us. He probably still does, he just denies it." Jason said bitterly. I guess he was mad at Reid for changing.

"I just hate that he gets mad at me for it." I looked down, too mad and upset to keep the tears in. Shane soon had me in a hug and was whispering calming things in my ear. I calmed down enough to stop crying but I was still feeling frustrated. Everything just felt like it was crushing me.

"Peyton, just relax." Shane said, kissing the top of my head.

"I need a blunt." I told him. Shane and Jason both laughed as Jason pulled a blunt out from a drawer. "Dude, do you just stash that shit all over the house." Jason just smirked in response. He pulled a lighter out of the drawer and lit the blunt, sucking in the smoke before passing it to me and coughing. I took it and instantly calmed down as I passed it over to Shane who took an extra long drag on it. He passed it back to Jason who coughed almost instantly and handed it back to me before holding his head in his hands.

"No more until I'm not hung over." Jason said and I laughed. I took in the smoke and held it in my lungs as long as I could, giving the blunt back to Shane who took a hit and handed it back to me, shaking his head.

"That one's all yours." Shane said. "on the house." I smiled as I continued taking hits off of it. When the blunt was completely out, I whined and stomped out the remnants in the ashtray. I felt one hundred percent better now. I smiled and leaned against Shane who wrapped his arms around me.

"Are we gonna stand here all day?" Shane asked with a laugh, "Or are we gonna go out."

"I call shotgun." I said with a laugh, laughing harder when Jason held his head. Apparently he was still hung over. "Come on, take a little asprin, grab some weed, and lets go."

"Stop talking so loud and I'll go." Jason mumbled. I laughed again as he popped another Asprin and got up off the stool. I smiled at him and followed Shane through the house, to the front door, and out into the rain as we made a run for the car. I hopped in and Shane instantly started it, turning the heat on. Jason came out a few minutes later and when he got in, he pulled out a big bag filled with weed, a bowl, and a chillum. I instantly reached for the black and purple bowl, keeping it upfront with me while Shane laughed and drove off.

"Well if you want me to pack it, you're gonna have to give it back." Jason told me. I pouted and reluctantly handed the pretty bowl back to Jason who smirked and packed it for me. He pulled a little black lighter out of his pocket and handed it to me, along with the bowl. He then packed the chillum for himself and started hitting from it. I turned around all the way around and lit the lighter, bringing it down on the weed. It caught fire and I sucked in the air through the other end, holding it in my lungs as long as I could. I handed it to Shane and once I let out the smoke, I took the wheel for him so he could light the bowl. Once it was lit, he took the wheel back and handed the bowl back to me. We drove like that for another hour before I finally realized we were no where in Ipswich anymore.

"Where are we?" I asked, looking around.

"I have no idea." Shane said with a laugh. It was clear he was high.

"Maybe we should turn around and figure out where Ipswich is." I suggested.

"Alright." Shane nodded and went to pull over but a deer jumped in front of the car, scaring all three of us. Shane swerved out of the way and missed the deer by inches but with the roads as wet as they were from all the rain pounding down, the car skidded all over the road before we finally flipped into a ditch off to the side of the road. I felt pain all through my body and knew something had broken before darkness finally consumed me.

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**Again, drugs are bad dont do them. You'll go broke as a mother lol. But seriously, don't start unless there's an actual reason, not just because everyone else is doing it. That's just dumb**


	8. It's all a dream?

**Okay so before you read and go wtf? did she update the wrong story? Did she forget what she was writing about?**

**No, i didn't update the wrong story and i remembered what i was writing about. When you get to the end, you'll understand. or read the title, that would help**

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"Peyton sweetie. Time to get up." I groaned and threw a pillow over my head, keeping it there. "Come on Peyton, we don't have time for this. It's time for school." Slowly I opened my eyes and looked up at a woman with dark brown hair and green eyes.

"Mom?" I groaned, annoyed.

"Yes it's me." My mother said, patting my leg. "Come on, you can't be late for your first day."

"I don't wanna go." I groaned again, throwing the blanket over my head now.

"You have to go." My mother explained. "Remember, that nice boy next door said he would drop you off."

"I don't wanna get up." I complained, burrowing under my sheets.

"Come on Peyton, wake up." My mother said, pulling the sheets from my bed. I groaned and rolled over, now cold.

"Fine, I'm getting up." I complained. My mother laughed before walking out of my room, closing the door. I got out of bed and walked over to my closet, opening it up. I looked around for something to wear but all the outfits I picked out, I hated almost immediately. I grabbed a dark pair of jeans and the darkest shirt I had in there, an emerald green tank, and tossed a small black hoodie over it. I looked on the floor for shoes and found a pair of black Fallens. I slipped the shoes on and brushed out my short, and now dirty blonde hair. I grabbed my messenger bag off the floor and tossed it over my shoulder before heading downstairs. I walked into the kitchen and saw my mother and father sitting down, eating breakfast.

"You're finally awake." My mother said with a smile.

"Sleepy head, trying to ditch school already?" My father asked with a laugh. There was the sound of a car horn and I looked at the front door.

"Looks like your ride is here." My mother said as she got up and hugged me. "Have a good day sweetheart."

"Ok." I nodded and pulled away from her embrace, heading for the door. I walked out and immediately saw the silver mustang waiting in the driveway. I opened the passenger door and slipped in to see the boy from yesterday sitting in the driver seat.

"Caleb Danvers, in case you forgot." Caleb said with a smile as he pulled away from my house.

"I remembered." I told him. He was wearing a uniform while I wore regular clothes. Then I remembered my mom saying I was starting Ipswich High. "Whoa, did I miss a dress code?" I asked him. He laughed.

"No. I go to Spenser." Caleb told me. "It's a…"

"Private school?" I supplied for him.

"Kind of, yeah." Caleb laughed nervously. "Ipswich High is on the way so I thought this would be a great chance to meet you. Talk."

"Of course." I muttered, looking out the window. I saw the Ipswich scenery pass before me and looked away.

"So where are you from?" Caleb asked.

"Illinois." I answered automatically.

"That's pretty far. What brought you here?" He asked, genuinely interested.

"My parents." I shrugged and he laughed again. He pulled up outside the high school and turned to me.

"Hey, since this was a short ride, how about I pick you up after school." Caleb said. "We could go to Nicky's and I could introduce you to people."

"Sure." I nodded as I got out of the car. As I walked up to the school, I heard Caleb drive away. I walked into the school and over to the administrative building, telling the secretary that I was a new student and needed my schedule. She looked through a few files before giving it to me along with a pink pass to excuse my lateness. I looked down at the schedule and saw my first class was history. Great, my worse subject. I walked into the class and everyone's eyes immediately fell on me. I felt myself turning red and handed the pass to the teacher. His name was Mr. Green.

"Alright, Peyton. There's a seat in the back next to Mr. Michaels." I looked up and walked to the only empty seat in the class. As I approached, I saw a boy with sapphire blue eyes hiding behind his dark brown hair. I took my seat beside him and opened up my notebook.

"Shane Michaels." The boy introduced himself.

"Peyton Cooper." I said with a nervous smile before looking down at my notebook.

"So you just transferred in?" He asked me. I wanted to say 'well duh' but thought it would sound kind of bitchy.

"Yeah." I nodded. "My mom had to move for work."

"I'm glad she did." Shane told me and I blushed, looking away again. I spent the rest of the class taking notes, actually I just doodled, writing down little phrases every now and then. When the bell rang, I got out of my seat and looked down at my schedule, seeing Chemistry next.

"Son of a bitch." I muttered. My absolute worse class. History was just a close second.

"Walk you to class?" Shane asked as we walked out of History.

"Well since I don't know where I'm going, that would be nice." I told him and he laughed. I loved his laugh. He looked down at my schedule and smiled.

"That's my class." Shane said with another laugh.

"Well that's lucky." I said as we laughed, walking to our next class. I showed the teacher my schedule and he showed me to a seat across the room from Shane. I was saddened by it but when I learned we had a lab day, Shane and I instantly partnered up with another boy that I didn't know.

"Jason." The boy introduced himself.

"Peyton." I told him, shaking his hand. I sat down at the table and watched the guys work because Chemicals and me didn't mix well. I had almost blown up the Chem lab at my old school. It looked like the guys knew what they were doing but I guessed that they didn't. They didn't strike me as the Chemistry boys. When the teacher came around, I knew I was right.

"What are you two doing?!" He yelled, turning off the burner. "If that would've stayed on for another minute, you would've blown up yourselves along with Ms. Cooper here."

"We just followed the instructions." Jason shrugged. The teacher gave a disapproving look before walking to the next lab station.

"You guys tried to blow us up?!" I yelled.

"I didn't see you contributing." Jason said.

"That's because I almost blew up my old Chem lab at my old school." I told them, crossing my arms. Shane just laughed.

When the bell rang, I collected my things and followed Shane's directions to the rest of my classes, seeing as I didn't have him in any. At the end of the day, I put all the books I had gotten in my locker and closed it, walking out into the chilly Ipswich afternoon.

"So you need a ride anywhere?" Shane asked, sneaking up behind me. I jumped at his voice and turned to see him give a small laugh.

"Don't do that!" I yelled, hitting his arm. He just laughed again. "And I got a ride coming." As if on cue, Caleb pulled up in his mustang.

"Danvers?" He asked me.

"Is that a problem?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"No." Shane glared at the car before turning to me.

"I'll see you Monday?" I asked him.

"What about this weekend?" Shane asked. "Can I call you?"

"Sure." I blushed but gave him my number. He put it into his phone before lifting his phone so it was level with me, snapping a picture to save with my number.

"I'll call you tomorrow sometime?" Shane asked. I just smiled and nodded before walking over to Caleb's car and getting in.

"So you met Shane?" Caleb asked. There seemed to be bitterness in his voice.

"Yeah, he's in two of my classes." I answered, pretending not to notice the bitterness. He just nodded.

"So you wanna change first?" Caleb asked me.

"Before what?" I asked him.

"You said you would go to Nicky's tonight." Caleb told me. "You can't go back on a promise now."

"Fine." I said before laughing. Caleb laughed too. "I don't need to change, I'm dandy."

"Alright, but I do." Caleb said, looking at his uniform in disgust. I laughed. "Would you be okay hanging at my house so I could shower and change?"

"That's fine." I told him as Caleb continued driving to his house. When we got there, my mouth dropped open. It was HUGE. I hadn't noticed before because I didn't really pay attention but now I could see that it was ten times the size of mine. He pulled up to the front door before shutting off the car and getting out. I followed suit and then followed him into the house. He led me upstairs and into a bedroom that was four times the size of mine.

"Nice." I said. I looked around and saw Harvard Banners and other Harvard memorabilia. "Let me guess, Harvard bound?"

"That obvious?" he asked.

"Uh….YEA." I said before laughing. He laughed with me as he went through his closet. He pulled out some clothes and then turned to me.

"Will you be okay hanging out here for like fifteen minutes?" Caleb asked.

"Yeah, sure." I said, hopping into his huge king size bed. He laughed before leaving, heading for the bathroom. I laid down in the bed and looked around his room for a while before spotting a thick black book on his desk, hidden by a few other books. I got out of bed and made sure I heard the shower running before walking over to it. I moved the other books and looked at the cover.

"Book of Damnation?" I muttered under my breath as I started flipping through pages. I didn't get to read any of it because I heard the bathroom door open. I quickly threw the other books on top of it and ran back to lay in the bed. Caleb walked in a few seconds later, water dripping down from his still damp hair.

"Ready to go?" He asked with a smile. I just nodded, unable to say anything. We walked out of the house and got back into the mustang before pulling away from the Danvers house and down some random streets that I still had yet to learn. It took about ten minutes but we pulled up to a small bar looking place, parking next to a black Hummer and yellow motorcycle. I got out of the car and followed Caleb inside and over to a table with a boy with long curly brown hair, a boy with short brown hair, and another boy with blonde hair. When the blonde looked up and met my eyes, my breath caught in my throat. I felt as though I couldn't breath.

"Peyton, this is Pogue," curly haired boy, "Tyler," the boy with short brown hair, "And Reid." The blonde. "Guys, this is Peyton."

"Hey." Pogue said.

"Hi." Tyler gave a small wave and a smile. Reid didn't say anything but he just smiled at me. I took a seat between Caleb and Reid, feeling slightly uncomfortable at Reid who was still looking at me.

"Foosball?" Pogue asked Caleb. He just nodded and the two of them disappeared.

"I'll be right back." Tyler said before getting up from the table and disappearing. Now it was just Reid and me.

"So…" I started, looking down and then up at Reid.

"Peyton, I'm so sorry." Reid told me.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"It's all my fault." Reid said. "I shouldn't have chased you out of the house. I shouldn't have made you stop the drugs. I should've just talked to you about it, let you know how much I loved you. Then maybe you wouldn't have gone out to see Shane."

"Reid, what are you talking…"

"Please Peyton. I'll never forgive myself if you don't wake up." Reid was crying now. I could hear it more than I could see it. "Peyton, please just wake up. For me. Please." I felt a kiss on my temple, along with some fresh tears. I felt as though I were flying now, watching everything from a bird's eye view.

"No, I like it here!" I yelled as loud as I could but I still drifted up.

"Peyton, please wake up. For me." Reid's voice begged.

"No, I want to stay! I don't wanna go back!" I yelled but it was to no avail.

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself staring at a hospital ceiling. Reid was sitting right beside my bed.

"Damnit!" I yelled, my voice cracking. My throat felt really dry now and I ended up coughing.

"Peyton." Reid's voice was barely a whisper beside me. He got up out of the chair and stood right beside the bed, staring down at me. "You're awake."

"I wish I wasn't." I sighed, looking away from him.

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**So what did you think? A little glimpse of the life Peyton wished she had. I might update tomorrow, idk. I'm supposed to get my tongue pierced, get my tattoo, and go bowling so idk if i'll have any time. I'm supposed to go to the movies tonight, that's if SOMEONE would answer their phone.**


	9. Awake

**Yay, now that ff is now working for me, i can finally update this chapter.**

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"Peyton, what happened?" Reid asked. I looked up into his eyes and saw that they were still wet with tears unshed.

"We were driving and a deer jumped out in front of us. Shane swerved to miss it but the roads were wet so we flipped into a ditch?" I said it more as a question rather than a statement. It felt like that had happened but I wasn't sure, my mind was a little fuzzy.

"Tyler and I were driving to Boston. We saw the car tipped over and knew something was wrong. We pulled over and immediately called for an ambulance and then we found you." The tears were falling now. "It didn't look like you were breathing. You were so still and you were bleeding so much. I thought you were dead."

"Unfortunately not." I muttered quietly. If Reid heard me, he didn't say anything. "Wait, what happened to Jason? And Shane??"

"Jason is down the hall. He's a lot worse than you. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt so he was laying on the roof. Shane's in the next room over. He wore his seatbelt but he banged his head off the steering wheel." Reid explained for me. "Shane looks like he'll make it but Jason…" He just trailed off after that and I looked down guiltily.

"He didn't want to go." I said as tears began to fall. "He was hung over and I knew he didn't want to go but I made him."

"Peyton…" Reid's voice trailed off as I cried.

"It's my fault that he's hurt Reid." I cried harder. "If he dies, it's because of me!"

"It's not because of you." Reid said, putting his hand on top of mine. I just yanked it back and continued to cry.

"You're awake." I looked up through tear filled eyes and saw Jon standing in the doorway. "Peyton, what's wrong? You're okay." Jon walked closer to me and sat down on the side of the bed. "Peyton, don't cry, please." Jon pulled me into a hug and I didn't resist. I missed hugging Jon even though I knew I shouldn't. I was over him, I didn't love him any more. That was a lie.

"It's my fault Jon." I said, crying on his shoulder. "Jason's going to die because of me."

"He's not going to die." Jon said, trying to calm me down. "The doctors are with him now. They'll make everything better."

"But he wasn't wearing a seatbelt and Reid said…"

"Peyton, have I ever broken a promise to you?" Jon asked me.

"Not really." I said, thinking back on our friendship.

"Well I don't intend to start now. I promise that he will be okay." Jon whispered calmly and I felt myself calm down slightly. Now that I had calmed, I was fully aware of the pain in my chest. I pulled back from Jon and held myself, feeling as though I might break if I didn't.

"You cracked a rib." Reid informed me. "And your left wrist is snapped." I looked down and noticed the bandage for the first time. "The doctor said it will be better in a few weeks."

"Wonderful." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Well Ms. Cooper." I looked up at a young man, probably about twenty five, walking into my room. "My name is Dr. Carter and I'll be taking care of you." He walked over to my bedside and Jon got up, giving Dr. Carter space. I felt very alone now. "How are you feeling?"

"Dandy. Can I leave yet?" Please say yes, I begged to myself. My dad wasn't going to be happy about me being in the hospital. He always complained we had no money after my mom died and I knew he wouldn't be able to pay the hospital bill.

"She felt pain in her chest right before you walked in." Reid said. "She hadn't noticed it before but we told her about her ribs."

"Shut up Reid." I said, glaring at him. He wasn't helping me get out any sooner.

"Really. And how's that feeling now?" Dr. Carter asked.

"Wonderful. All better." I said, putting on a fake smile as to not show how much pain I was feeling. Dr. Carter gave me an unbelieving look before poking me in a certain spot in my chest. I let out a cry in pain and Dr. Carter nodded.

"You need to stay here for a little longer." Dr. Carter informed me.

"No I don't. All better." I told him. He didn't respond to that but he pulled out a needle and took hold of the IV that was hanging beside my bed. He pushed the needle in and emptied what was in there into my IV. I felt drowsy almost instantly and looked up at him in defeat.

"So not fair." I told him.

"It's something to help with the pain and help you sleep." He explained before I fell asleep again.

"She is MY daughter!" That voice woke me from my blissful sleep and I cringed. My father was here now. I slowly opened one eye, peeking at what was happening. Reid and Jon were both standing protectively in front of me and my father was standing by the door, glaring at both of them. His face was red with rage and I saw both of the guys had their fists clenched, ready to hit my father if he came any closer.

"Do you want the police to know that you beat your daughter?" Jon asked.

"What kind of father beats their ONLY daughter?" Reid asked, his fists turning whiter. "Especially Peyton. She has done NOTHING wrong."

"Do not raise your voice to me. My relationship with my daughter does not concern you." My father was getting angrier by the second but I could tell the guys weren't going to back down.

"It is my concern when she's getting beaten by an asshole like you." Reid's voice was so low, I knew that something bad would happen soon if someone didn't step in.

"Get out of the way so I can see my daughter." My father said angrily.

"I am not moving, but I saw a few cops down the hall. I'm sure they'd love to know what you do to Peyton." Reid knew he had won and with one last glare, my father walked out of the room. Reid let out a frustrated breath and together the guys turned to me. I snapped my eye shut and pretended to be asleep for a few more seconds before "waking up."

"You're awake." Reid said, smiling down at me. He brushed the hair back out of my face and I let him this time.

"Yeah. What time is it?" I asked.

"Five thirty." Jon answered for me.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked.

"Seven hours, give or take." Reid said, still brushing hair back from my face.

"When can I get out of here?" I asked, hating the hospital smell by now. Plus, the heart monitor was pissing me off with the constant beeping. I knew it was a good thing that it beeped but that didn't mean that it wasn't annoying.

"You should stay a while." Jon said. "Make sure you don't hurt yourself more."

"I'm fine Jon. I just wanna be in a comfy bed and rest." I told him. "This bed, not so comfy."

"Peyton…" Jon sighed.

"I want out of here, now!" I yelled at him. He sighed again.

"I'll get the doctor." Jon turned and left, leaving me with Reid.

"How's Shane?" I asked. "Has he woken up yet?"

"He was awake for a minute and fell asleep." Reid told me. "The doctors said he'll be fine, he just needs to rest, like you need to do."

"I don't want to rest here Reid." I told him. "I'd rather be resting at the dorms. Or your house." I said the last part after seeing the look Reid was giving me.

"You promise you'll rest?" Reid asked. I just nodded. Reid moved in to kiss me but I just turned my head so his lips came into contact with my jaw bone. Reid looked at me confused but before he could say anything, Dr. Carter walked in, Jon trailing behind him.

"How are you feeling Peyton?" Dr. Carter asked, walking over to me and assessing me with a stethoscope and a small flashlight, finishing off with that stupid blood pressure thing that sucked in my arm and annoyed me to no fuckin end.

"I'm feeling better. I just wanna be in a comfy bed and get some more sleep." I told him honestly.

"Well, you seem better, but I'd feel better if you stayed for a few more days." Dr. Carter said.

"But I'm well enough to leave, right?" I asked him. "If I promise to stay in bed and rest until I'm completely better?"

"Well…" Dr. Carter paused and sighed.

"Good enough for me." I said. "Can you get this thing out of my arm. I wanna go see Shane." I pleaded.

"Alright." Dr. Carter walked over to the IV and carefully slipped it out. I bit my lip as the needle slid out of my vein.

"Uh, do I have clothes?" I asked, looking down at the hospital gown I was wearing.

"Yes, your friend Reid here brought you something a few days ago." Dr. Carter said. I looked up at Reid who was now looking at the floor. "I'll give you your privacy to change and once you do, I'm sure your friends will show you to Mr. Michaels's room." Dr. Carter left, Jon and Reid following behind him. The door closed and I got out of bed, grabbing the duffle bag beside my bed. I pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a black tank top, along with a big black hoodie that I knew belonged to Reid. I slipped on all the clothes, shoving on a pair of socks I found in the bottom of the bag. I made my way to the door and opened it, finding both Jon and Reid standing outside on opposite sides of the door.

"Where's Shane?" I asked. Neither of them spoke, just led me two doors down to where Shane was laying in bed, asleep. I walked over to the bed and took a seat in the chair beside him.

"Shane, it's me. Peyton." I said, brushing his brown hair back. "You need to wake up. If you don't I'm gonna feel guilty forever." Shane stirred under my hand and looked at me through groggy eyes.

"Peyton?" Shane asked, his voice soft. I felt a tear slip out of my eye and nodded.

"Yeah, it's me." I said, giving him a watery smile.

"You're head." He reached up and brushed his hand lightly against my forehead. I hissed in pain. "What happened?"

"We got into an accident." I told him. "The deer."

"We fell into a ditch." Shane sighed, remembering.

"Yeah, we did." I said. Shane looked me up and down, noticing the bandage on my wrist.

"You're hurt more." Shane said, moving his hand to brush the bandage. "It's my fault."

"No, it's not. It was an accident." I told him, even though I still felt as though it were all my fault. "I'm fine."

"If anything would've happened to you…" Shane started.

"I'm fine." I promised him. I leaned down and placed a small kiss on his lips. There was a knock at the door and I turned to see Dr. Carter standing there.

"I've got the discharge papers." He told me. "They're all signed, they just require one signature from you and then I want you to go home and rest." He handed me the clipboard and I signed where he told me to. "Alright, I'll leave you with your friends." He then turned to Shane and started checking him over. I said goodbye to Shane and walked out of the room to meet Jon and Reid.

"You're going to get into bed the second you get back." Reid said and led me outside and over to his car. Jon got into his own and followed us all the way back to Reid's. I didn't say anything on the way back and Reid didn't try to make me say anything. When we got to his house, he led me into the house and into the room he had given me.

"Now lay down and rest, okay." Reid said, and I could hear the pleading in his voice.

"Alright." I sighed and laid down in bed. Reid pulled the blankets over me and handed me my phone that I thought had been lost in Shane's car.

"Call me if you need anything. I want you to stay here and get some sleep." I just nodded and Reid gave a weak smile before walking out of the room. Jon had been standing in the doorway and I knew he was less than pleased about me staying here but I'm sure Reid or Tyler had filled him in on what had happened to me back at the dorms. He would probably agree that this was the safest place for me besides the hospital because I'm sure he sensed that Reid had no ill-intentions toward me like my father and Aaron did.

I didn't sleep, instead, I laid in bed and stared off into nothing, wishing that I could take back the accident. I wouldn't have left Jason's house. Jason, Shane, and I would've stayed inside, watching something like Pineapple Express while we got stoned ourselves. We would've been safe. I thought about Jason not making it and felt myself cry. It was my fault if he died, not everyone had the same thoughts of death like I did. Most people didn't want to die. I did. I should be the one in the hospital bed about to die. Soon I had cried myself to sleep, wishing I could take the last few days back.

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**I know it's not great but i'm really fuckin tired. Staying up late and fighting with the boy you love but hate at the same time takes alot out of you. Let me know what you think.**

**Also, I'm writing another story but i will not be posting it until i have a few chapters written but here's the summary. (yes, it's a twilight story.)**

**_Bella didn't choose to become a vampire. She lived a long life and has been dead for years. Now, the Cullens return to Forks and find that it has changed. The arrival of Raven Atwood and her brother Ryan intrigue both Edward and his new vampire sister Danielle. what will happen when Raven's big brother falls for a vampire? What will happen when she does the same?_**

**There ya go. if i wrote it, would you read it? Let me know)**


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